63 Kilograms by Amanda Lynn Fucinato

I weigh 63 kilograms. It’s not a crime and it’s not an accomplishment, it’s a number. It is one of many numbers that describe my essence as a human being, but it is certainly not the most important one. I’m also 1 of 4 children, my grandmother’s fifth grandchild, and at 157 centimetres I am the shortest person in my family. For a long time, I thought that number was the definition of myself worth. I starved, dieted and cried so many days to make that number smaller. I remember telling myself it was a great achievement to not eat. I remember being gleeful at stomach-aches from hunger. Looking back at those moments now, I am ashamed of thinking those thoughts and shocked at my lost perspective on what really matters in life. I’m not writing about this because I need sympathy, but I know people that need help. I’m not writing about body image because I want to take down the diet industry and blame the media for my problems (but wouldn’t that be nice?).

This is a declaration and a challenge. I want you, yes you my dear reader, to go up to someone today and tell them how much you weigh. Tell a friend or a stranger; maybe even tell them with a donut in your hand. Dare to be judged. Dare to be demanding in your everyday life. Demand to wear clothing that fits you, no matter what the size. Demand to eat delicious food every day and even indulge in something once in a while. My favourite is ice cream, none in particular as long as it is good and cold. I sit down with a bowl of ice cream and I feel healed.

I don’t hop on a scale or buy a smaller pants size and feel that joy and ecstasy. Demand to have someone in your life that loves you no matter what your size. Believe when I say this, you may be surprised what an individual finds attractive. Finally, because I can’t resist, demand that the media you consume represents the beliefs you hold about body image and health. If you think super models that starve themselves are disgusting and setting a bad example, don’t buy their products. Refuse to support companies who don’t support you with proper sizes and manageable fashion that looks good on everyone. Never again feel you have to buy a diet magazine or book because you are “too fat”. Remember that technology has come a long way, and airbrush techniques are used constantly in the media.

 I leave you with a post challenge exercise. Everyday when you get up, take a deep breath and know that you are beautiful, no matter what your colour or size, and that today has potential to be a great day for you.
 

Amanda is my housemate and i must say she did a mighty fine job on this article. it's now up on my wall and i'm gonna read it everytime i feel fat.

Attended a memorial for a Murdoch Uni student today who committed suicide. I still can't understand why he did it.

The guy was loved by so many people the worship centre was packed and even though i didn't know him i felt the loss.

It was just overwhelming. First my uncle, then Gerald and now this. Lawrence was friends with a few of my own friends and they always spoke great things about him. Did he not know how great he was? Smart, funny guy, always lighting up the room. I kept hearing that repeatedly over the eulogies.

It hit me hard when the parents went up to speak. It's amazing how they even had the courage. His dad talked about how they're not just father and son, but friends..buddies..playing baseball and tennis as a family, singing songs to his mom on Mother's Day.

The guy was obviously sober when he did it cuz he even wrote a letter to apologise to the people on the train. But why?

His mom, i admire her the most. She was distraught yet put up such a strong front. Using her son's life to teach us a valuable lesson.

"Life is precious...and yet so fragile. Hold on dear to all those around you and cherish them." She said. I admit, i teared. How could you not? You could feel the pain, the anguish of losing her one and only son. I could never do that to my parents.

RIP Lawrence, everyone said you're off to a peaceful place. I hope that it's true.

and to Gerald, I kept thinking about you throughout the memorial today. From what i hear about Lawrence, if you guys meet each other I'm sure you'll hit it off :) Have fun up there. You're dearly missed.

 

Who says I can't be free?
From all of the things that I used to be
Re-write my history
Who says I can't be free?

It's been a long night in New York City,
It's been a long night in Baton Rouge
I don't remember you looking any better
But then again I don't remember you

Who says I can't get stoned?
Call up a girl that I used to know
Fake love for an hour or so
Who says I can't get stoned?

Who says I can't take time?
Meet all the girls on the county line
 Wait on fate to send a sign,
Who says I can't take time?

It's been a long night in New York City
It's been a long night in Austin too
I don't remember you looking any better
But then again I don't remember you

Who says I can't get stoned?
Plan a trip to Japan alone
Doesn't matter if I even go.
Who says I can't get stoned?

It's been a long night in New York City
It's been a long time since 20 too
I don't remember you looking any better
But then again I don't remember you

yep because of kmiang im beating the procrastination devil and blogging properly for once. even though i kinda forgot how to blog properly.

but are blogs really necessary now? i mean theres like facebook and tweeter and..stuff. u guys get all my life updates from there what lol.

see arisya, i dont cheat you. i really blog.

okayokay i shall start.

PART I

went to a kelong on 6th june!

this is a very horny dog. he kept smelling up my brother and humping a cushion. other than that he's ultra adorable.


APPARENTLY an abalone but i wouldnt wanna eat it. it looks kinda weird.


hao caught the first, last and only fish we got that day.
and arvin insisted on claiming some glory for that catch cuz apparently they are in a "team".lol


i tried fishing too! but i was never patient enough.
i reeled my line in every like 10 minutes cuz the most fun was to throw the line out..then u wait.
i also tried flying a kite for the first time in my life but i dont think a picture is necessary because im lazy.


"PLOP!" poor guy just did this all day long because he dropped his mobile phone into the sea when trying to take a picture.
so while the rest of us spent 40 bucks he spent $401.50.


nice sunset, nice picture but if i took it now the guy will be botak cuz
HE JUST ENLISTED INTO ARMY HAHAHAHAHAHA.


since we only caught one fish it wasnt enough to feed all 11 of us so we had to buy some seafood from them.
and they cooked for us (thank god). it was really fresh seafood that tasted freaking awesome. for real.
there were crabs and alot more too but i was too hungry so i ate and didnt take pictures.

group pic! cant believe i spent all those hours in a sun and not an inch darker. ahhh annoying.

 

okay im going to do it. im going to cut bangs.

or not. 

i cant decide! i even googled "round face and bangs".

the world wide web needs a program that can put hairstyles onto my face.

helpp.